February 18, 2005
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Writings On The Wall:
First off I want to congratulate my sister Thao Nguyen and her fiance Steven Lim on their engagement and upcoming wedding later this year.
When people think of multi-racial relationships they normally think in terms of black & white. People forget, however, that asia is a continent and not a country. There are dozens of unique nations with independent thought & cultures.
People forget that even problems can arise from inter-asian relationships. You may be wondering:
What the hell is he talking about?
Well let me try to explain by talking about a recent lunch I attended.
Let the Games Begin:
The days before the Lunar New Years my family and my Steven's (my sisters Fiance) family both decide to meet [for the first time] for lunch at Maggiano's restaurant to meet and discuss arrangements for their upcoming wedding and just to meet.
Before I continue let me say the Korean culture is a very old and respected. In fact, I've found Korean people find their culture & religion to be the most important things in their lives and I completly respect that.
The thing is my sister...and I....come from a buddhist Vietnamese background. While Steven's family comes from a tradition of hardcore Christian Koreans. So you can only guess what happened at lunch:
That's right.....World War III
On the Table:
The conversation started out normal enough and we exchanged family histories and such but then real topics started coming up.
~What month the wedding would be in.
~Would it be a church wedding? If so, which church?
~Steven's mother said something I'll never forget the rest of my life.
"I'm sad I'm not going to have a Korean grandchild."
When I heard this my mouth hit the floor. I was speechless.
The Aftermath:
Here are the casualties of the first Round. They were lined up in body bags along the side of the room....
After all was said and done the day actually ended a lot better than I thought it would've. Steven's family was actually very nice and treated us to the best of their knowledge.
Oh, the horror
The comfortable settings and delictable food helped assuage some of the the tension. I wonder how round two will be like though. Stay tuned.......
Has anyone had experience with this?
"He's Korean [a grocery store owner he regularly sees]. Now I'd never say I'd hate all korean people. I haven't met all korean people. That hate talks for savages. But eventhough I don't generalize. I do do percentages and averages. So far I hate 1 out of 5 korean people I've met so far."
~Dave Chappelle from an episode of Def Poetry Jam
Comments (107)
woohoo! the poofer is the first to comment!!!
I once dated a guy who was half black half korean, and after I assured my mom that he was valedictorian, an accomplished violinist, and a varsity football player [all true], and she consented to me hanging out with him, I asked him how his parent's family felt about their marriage... I won't go into details, but it wasn't a fairy tale story -- there definately was no love between anybody but the two who were married.
it's important for in-laws to get along
hope things improve
will there be chap chae and eggrolls at the wedding at least?
my extended family seen many multi-racial relationships/marriages... and most of them turned out great in the end, even with bumpy begininings. even still, my mom is still hoping i'll marry a vietnamese guy, but expects otherwise.
*has seen
well lets see on my mom's side i have uncles that are thai, philipino, white and indian. and i have two aunts that are catholic. needless to say thing don't always go well. buy its all good Lan, you and I are both Buddhists so i don't think our parents will have any problems with us beeing life partners :dribble:
Multi-racial anything is a pretty touchy subject in general. Being from Hawaii where everyone is mixed with something, it wasn't that big of a deal for me [or my family for that matter], but I've heard one too many horror stories like the one you mentioned above. I couldn't fathom having to go through that, especially because I get along famously with my in laws and vice versa. [I'm filipino and my honey is mixed white/chinese/filipino/chamorro]
Hopefully things will ease up for your family and for his. I don't think we're ready for WWIII quite yet.
Have a good weekend!
it's not their fault though. most asians of that generation were born and raised in a very insular society.
aw, congrats to your sis (=
im multi racial =D
your sister couldnt help it. everyone loves koreans ^^
well.. except apparently for dave chappelle -_-
Old, traditional elders are definately a pain to deal with. I've seen happy, long awaited Cantonese/Taiwanese marriages turned to chaos simply beacause the grandparents couldn't accept the fact that their granddaughter actually wanted to marry the groom and looked down on Taiwan. I mean, really, we're all basically Chinese. We spoke the same language. I wanna call it stupid, but I know they truely couldn't help it. Culture and tradition go deep in the family.
But despite the bickering, as long as the couple love each other, it's not important.
lol and be sure to give her a big xanga congratulations from all your subscribers ;D ahahah
Wow, you're a Nguyen too? Congrats to your sister. It's funny, I was just mentioning to friends that "interracial" to the rest of the world implies Caucasian and African, or Asian and Caucasian. But to Asians, if you tell them your mom is Cantonese and your father is Shanghainese, they'll ask you, "how do they get along?"
Personally, I'm glad that there are still Buddhist Viets out there - is the Korean side Christian? Sometimes that gets to be an ugly mix, but at least his side is very courteous. Family members sometimes just forget that it's not about them, but about the couple.
haha hey nice banner..props
o come on....you know us koreans aren't big on the tact thing.... >=)
crazy. congrats on your sister's engagement. yeah, i've always been worried about the religion aspect in korean culture, since they seem to hardcore about it. hopefully things will be well. :smile:
dang... thats rude... as for the religion thing, i'm in the same boat...
Congratulations on your sisters' engagment.
It was very very harsh what Steven's mum said, it shouldn't have been said but hopefully it was just a slip of the tongue. I know she would love her grandchild very very much!
I love how you always have some comic relief in your entries - the body bags. hahahah You're tops! :rolleyes:
HAHAHA. Well, my cousins married a caucasian man, and soon thereafter, I haven't seen them ever again. But I don't think it's because we don't accept them. My parents do (as everyone should!), but my mom still finds it a little unsettling. Eh, koreans, what can you do? Besides, she's going to have to get used to the fact that her only son (me) is dating a taiwanese man. Haha.
My sister in law is white...but I always grew up with that.
My step-dad was white too...so yeah I can't really judge.
I dated a Chinese guy for awhile, Taiwanese, man I found them to be weird. Haha just kidding. There are a lot of minute cultural distinctions but I found that our greatest differences were in our perceptions of Westerners and culture. I always grew up with it very prevalent in my life, whereas he was taught to stick to tradition. None of it really ever created tension really, but just a difference in perception.
My other brother married a Vietnamese girl, but now she's too fobby for the family and she's too old school for my other brother and I. *shrugs* You never get exactly what you want =P.
congrats on your sisters engagement....but i can definitly relate. I'm full korean despite what everyone thinks and my last serious boyfriend was vietnamese and he was buddhist, i on the other hand was raised in a strong christian family. Honestly it was a pretty important issue,well atleast to me. My current boyfriend is also vietnamese but he is catholic. *shrugs* i just like vietnamese guys better anyway....and i have yet to find that "perfect korean" guy my parents always talks about.....puhaha. But definitly props to your sister and her fiance, i wish them the best! :throb:
Your entry brings up an interesting point...Why does the West tend to generalize Asian cultures and religions into simply an "Asian" category? Even within sects of Christianity (and several other religions, for that matter), you'll find similar discrepancies among Lutherans, Baptists, Catholics, etc. etc...it's something that, I think, people from all backgrounds deal with at some point.
yeah, i feel ya... inter-asian relationships have similar problems, mostly culturally based. with me, it was always a language thing. U got his parents, and mine.. who can't communicate with each other, either they don't speak english, or if they do, it's hard to understand. hehehe... congrats on ur sister's engagement though!!! :w00t: Although, I can't believe steven's mother said that. whoa... :dry:
oh i love watching those def poetry jams.
congrads to ur sis =], i love reading ur entries, so intresting everytime =D
With me, it's Broken Home vs. 30-Year Marriage. Liberal vs. ultra Conservative. Happiness first vs. Education first. Marry Now! vs. Marry After you get your Masters! We're torn in the middle. And both sides are Not-so-Religious Catholic Vietnamese too. *sigh*
HOLY CRAP! you have a BIGGG FAMILY @_@
and thank you for checking up on me =)
Oh dear... I think they should just not let a lot of that trivial superficial stuff get in the way of love. Does it really matter when it's just supposed to be a glorified celebration of love?
yes i did. what about it?
congrats to the engagement!!
question to you Lan... could you see yourself marrying a vietnamese girl?
Better be prepared for round two with on call high class caterers and comfy chairs I suppose :boxing:
what a great post!! yea.... that's so true.. when it comes to multi relationships no one understands that it doesn't consist of just black and white.... well in regards of asian people.... so true. we all have our own different culture and language and even religion! congrats to ur sis... and i enjoyed reading this! have a nice weekend!!
i really like and may borrow it if u don't mind --->
"He's Korean [a grocery store owner he regularly sees]. Now I'd never say I'd hate all korean people. I haven't met all korean people. That hate talks for savages. But eventhough I don't generalize. I do do percentages and averages. So far I hate 1 out of 5 korean people I've met so far."
~Dave Chappelle from an episode of Def Poetry Jam
COOL....
your xanga is very......cool. All the topics and pics are great! :P
random props :biggrin:
thanks for the props.
just returnin' the favor.
<33 x.tina
i love my koreans (and i'm chinese) :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:
I thought the picture of the bags meant they got mad and doggie bagged all their food to leave...hehe...
Oh, and the picture was my idea..sexy cavewoman...hehe
korean food GOOD vietnamese food GOOD. great combination
congrats to ur sister and her fiance. weddings are fun!
hey hunnie !! just wanted to stop by and say hab a great weekend ttyl sweetie !! gtg toodlez !! xoxoxo <3 Kimmie
she is a sweet heart. we've been through a lot with each other and through our differences, similarities, and flaws; we learned to accept each other and compromise :tongue: haha man i sound corny. but she is a sweety pie!
ps: i forgot to congratz to your sister about her engagement with Steven :throb:
"hardcore Christian Koreans"....haha! My bad, it's just funny how you described it. Sorry to hear about the dinner catastrophe, at least it survived Round 1. -sighs- Hopefully everything will turn out for the best! Families are not the easiest things to deal with, especially when it comes to wedding of thier sons/daughters. I don't know....I'm burnt today. Not sure what else to say...... :pinch:
Anyways, congratz on your sister's engagement! :thumbsup:
that's fantastic. learn from this. never get married. or at least don't tell your family about it.
i'm surprised no one said anything about that Fucker movie. did i miss it, did i miss it?
Gosh, I think I have the whole united nations in my family. I can't say they were all great beginnings because we all experienced the growing pains, but all's well and ends well. Best of luck with yours.
I love your entries! It's too bad that your sister and her fiance had to endure that. I was especially enraged to see what his mother said about having korean grandchildern. Goodness how rude can you get? :ohmy: One thing I've noticed when it comes to wedding planning, is that it seems there are always some kind of conflict. Parents have a tendency to want to turn the wedding day into "their" day. I can understand them wanting to have some part in the planning, but couples definitely don't need to have the extra added stresses. I wish your sister and her fiance the best of luck! I'm sure things will go smooth in the end :smile: Have a wonderful weekend!
~Kyla
common is the epitome of the shit
congratulations to your sis and her fiance! yeah, i get what you're saying about the inter-asian relationship. my chinese indonesian parents used to have major problems with me getting together with peter who's vietnamese, but after like more than a year of seeing him so polite and even greeting them in indonesian, they finally see that he's a great guy and that vietnamese food are super yummy! hahah... my mom loves pretty much everything i bring home from his family. so yeah, it definitely takes time for the older generations to forget their pre-conceived perceptions of other races. they're still dealing with their perceptions of my brother in law though, who's white. *sigh*
hey name is grace park!
her*
thats it only salads for me now
My friend Linda, a Taiwanese girl, married a Korean guy. I've seen similar story happened to them. She came from a Buddist family. But the Korean mom would force her to go to church. And they did had the wedding at a Korean church. Also she had to change into a traditional Korean wedding dress later that day. Her family and her husband's family actually had a lot of arguements over the wedding. But her family gave in and followed the Korean tradition way. I know Koreans have a lot of pride of their culture. Sometimes they are too proud to compromise. I think it is good that you are proud of your own culture. But if you are in an interacial relationship, you have to respect others cultures and believes as well. I am sure your family and Steve's family will work something out. ^^
Pardon my intrusion....but wow, you're cool. What, with that banner and all. I have Photoshop 7.0. You seem to be pretty creative with it. That's cool.
I read your posts and I realize I need a better fucking camera. Yes, I'm passionate about this...I did say the word "fucking" didn't I?
Besides that, yes--I clearly understand your point. Koreans are notorious for being complete bastards when it comes to opening their minds and hearts to other cultures (ie any culture other than Korean) insofar as dating/marriage topics.
I know what I've written comes off a bit "tongue and cheek" but I've got experience in this arena which gives me license to be completely flippant and crude.
yup, the IPOD is cool!!! it's so useful, you should get one =)
hey whats up.
I'm giving up caffeine. Or at least cutting back.
Thanks. I gave up my old xanga because I no longer felt any particular need for someone to read it anymore. But at the same time I didn't want to block her, or anybody else for that matter. In short, I stopped updating my old xanga because of drama. Sometimes it's the best for two people to not know eachother anymore.
I'm chinese but I once dated an indian guy and although we are both asian, I CANNOT stress how totally right you are about how diverse asian cultures can be! :thumbsup:
thank-you for stopping by and leaving your comment and eprops. you have a nice xanga.
lol yea true- oh welps
nyce payge
hahahhaha yeah koreans are like that....
my ex's mom loved me though... because id play violin for her alllllllll the time n she lovededed it.... hahahahaha
Ha. Well here's the dress link
:thumbsup: great site! However, I'd like to flesh out a little bit on the whole "looking down" on other ethnicities thing - I've had a number of conversations with asian guys and find out they actually rank the asian ethnicities - according to how pure and more pale they are, this seems to be the hierarchy (yes, most of my guy friends are chinese, go figure):
1. chinese
2. japanese
3. korean
4. all the other southeast asians/brown races
5. Indians
Interesting how it always comes down to color. Whoever's the "darkest" is the lowest, whoever's the palest is the "highest." This is a totally random comment with no substantive evidence whatsoever - just a random comment to add to the mix of opinions you've gotten. But yea, I'm viet and I'm dating chinese and I'll tell you that if I wasn't at least Christian, his mom probably wouldn't tolerate me as much.
That whole comment about the korean baby - well yea, my bf's gotten that from his mom: "I gave you the gift of pure cantonese blood; you must find a pure cantonese girl and pass that on." - :wacko:
wicked banner
OMG, if i heard something like that while at the table, i think i would have fallen out of my chair laughing with tears in my eyes saying, "Oh my God! I can't breathe!" but don't fret. most of the time these things stem from a lack of proficiency in a second language. in any event, good luck to you and your families!
thanks for the random eprops. you have a nice page too! have a great weekend!
:xmas:
love overcome anything in between =)...
wow....that's funny cause i hate 4 out of 5 koreans. But then again..i have 4/5 of a lot of races......
LOL, WWIII - that is like my Vietnamese friend and her argument yesterday with a Korean Post-doc.
One out of five, hilarious. I think that is about my statistic as well. Okay, not hate, just dislike him.
=T yea, us koreans u kno, bleh. take me to maggianos! hehe... (btw, i cant WAIT to move out of my apt. either)
thankz for the comments in my g-book :0)
i'm in an interasian relationship also...
& the parents are not going to meet until the DAY of the wedding.
lol
it's hard to like a particular kind of people if most of those you've met haven't left the best taste in your mouth. no one would blame you. that must have been really disturbing to hear someone say about not having korean babies. i guess it's easier to forgive, because it was an elderly who said it?
Hi Sup Double O-7. First of all.. u tell me u just realized I'm Linda's sister so u thought u'd drop by to say hi. Now .. lemme get this straight. IF I wasn't Linda's sister, I wouldnt be worthy of a greeting? R U too cool to say hi to just a random Loan? U can't just drop by and say.. o cool page, loan.. btw HI!!!!?? oy.. so disappointed. (shakes head)
Another thing... I have another question about this comment you posted above:
"The days before the Lunar New Years my family and my Steven's (my sisters Fiance)"
"My Steven"? So is he yours too? haha.
Everythings going to work out fine, and congrats to your sister & soon-to-be-brother in law. Is this the first time your family's ever met theirs?
first and foremost, Congratulations to your sister and her fiance on their engagement!
i completely agree... Western Societies tend to think that all Asians are the same, but when you're asian, you know that that is not the case :tongue:
I personally havn't had any experience with that, but when my sister had a Vietnamese bf, my parents were not pleased to say the least. [i wont get into details, but let's just say it involved a lot of ethnic stereotyping.. @_@ ]
it seems that no matter what ethnicity you are, the older generations all seem to be very closed-minded and unopen to change. But it seems that the asian cultures are more of in insular society compared to the rest.
with that said...
JEEBUS THATS A HELLOFALOT OF LEFTOVERS! :blink:
Did you guys ordered a lot of food, or did talks stall between the two sides after that remark? :wacko:
haha, kidding
again, congrats to your sis and her fiance
:innocent: i hope im not that 1 out of 5 korean people... dont hate me.. :ermm:
i've dated a few guys of different ethnicities as well... one being Korean i never met his parents (didn't get that far into the relationship), but they didn't seem to be very traditional. however, i think when cultures cross anytime, issues as you mentioned are bound to arise. i wish your sister the best of luck, and hopefully her relationship will be able to surpass all obstacles. :smile:
puahahahahahaha~
a friend of mine who's korean.. her bf is jewish...
therefore her mom refused to accept him as her bf.
hey yeah...ur ryte...i should juss...hace fun. he was a lil bitch to me any waiz...and i dunt need dat! haha. thanx foe tha advice!
~shelly
KP! no not korean pride...kristine park! ahaha :tongue:
congrats to ur sister! how exciting! :biggrin:
yoono there are NO interracial marriages in my whole entire family tree! EVERYBODY is korean! yeah koreans are very traditional..but there are also a lot of koreans who accept interacial marriages! as for my family, cousins in my generation including me we all date other races but who knows if we'll all end up marrying a korean..its 2005..i think the korean bloods gonna mix eventually...ahahaha we'll just have to wait and see...
korean people are stupid sometimes. my mom has no full korean grandkids...and she could care less. i haven't dated a korean guy in who knows how long...
wow, please pass on my congrats<3 yup. koreans are some freaky ppl. touchy....but still fun overall.....right?
Hey you. Korean parents can be pretty difficult to get along with sometimes, especially if they have that traditional mindset. I'm sorry you had to hear that from your future in-law! Hopefully you and your family's open-mindedness will teach her a thing or two, right? Good luck! (I'm liking your writing style, too) -Sohee
yup i did that for awhile... but eh... i figured i wanted to add something to my page.. and i can't find that current events module! ehh.... unless u wanna help?!? hehe .....
o wow that was really rude of the mother. in any case im korean and my family is FULL of multi-racial.. my cousin is with a cuban girl . my other cousin with a white girl .. another cousin with a spanish girl.. my uncle is white "uncle Bob" hmm what else. my half sister is with a half black/halfwhite guy. hmm i have a nephew half white.. and many other cousins that are half white. i have a cousin half korean/half cuban.. hmm
is that enough?
anyhow not all koreans are rude... hope everything works out for the best
u are very hot :throb:
How conveniently the bodies were stowed. :blink:
Congratulations to Thao and Steven!!... who probably look like this: :group:
And after surviving WWIII: :mellow: ... :sleeping:
Stay well.. I understand how clashing families go. >_<;;
:hug: _<;;
ooo..thats horrible...hopefully everyone will get along together...its funny becuz my best friend is korean n im viet....but were not like in love cuz shes a girl n im a girl but we get along well...hopefully things work out for the best...well much luv for u n everyone else...byeeee.....
whats good
ahahahaha...yeah...koreans are really proud of their background...which is quite awesome...but sometimes scary...lmao...
ta.
tyte xanga<33 :throb:
LOL :laugh: you're so funny. world war III. i am lmao. you know what?! i can kinda relate to u or ur sis, except it's the other way around for me. cuz i'm korean and my husband is vietnamese. the first time they met, woo~hoo! will i not 4get. they tried to get my dad to drink a beer, which of course he doesn't do cuz he's a christian, right? but he drank one for the family. lol. anyways, they get along great. we're all love over here. but that's cuz my parents are cool & down to earth. i know some koreans can be... :devil: u just want to kill them. i can't wait to hear what happens next. i'll check back with u. take care. btw, will it be a church wedding?!
this may sound wierd to you......but you almost look exactly like my best friend danay.....
*random Props*
ummmmm my boyfriend is viet and imma gook sooo is that going to happen... now that scares me.... we've been together tooooo long you know!!!!!
Not being Korean, I can't really comment on the motivation behind what the mother said. It's one thing to feel it, it's a completely different thing to express it out loud in front of the two families. It's rude and puts undue strain and pressure on her son and your sister. If anything, it's like saying, "Son, I'm disappointed in you. And Thao, I'm sure you're a nice girl, but I hate the fact that my son is marrying you and I will never fully accept you."
I can understand the older generation being a bit more uptight about mixed relationships, but you'd think the mother would be more open. I wonder what the grandma thinks.
Good luck to your sister and her fiance!
Wassup beautiful, just random props ;]
Wow, I dated an guy who was born in Canada too but his nationality was from India. We were together for 5 years but I remember the at the beginning his mom put up a big fuss because I wasn't Indian. On my side my parents kept telling me that he would never marry me because his parents would probably put him in an arranged marriage. Crazy eh? But yah some parents from the oldskool generation just don't understand that interracial coupling is a great thing
I've actually never seen a viet/korean couple.. just b/c the koreans I know do stick with their own.. but us viets.. yes, we like to cross contaminate.. hahahaa... j/k. My bf is white. I'm catholic, he doesn't believe in anything, and my parents love him. My mom still tries to get us to go to church.. but that'll never happen.
props to your site!
-bren
So sad how that works, huh? It's one thing to have pride, but it's another to completely exclude others. Eeesh.
Oh, and I've thought about double-posting before! But I never got around to it...and I had people pumping their fists, telling me that I shouldn't cross over to the dark side, haha.
i love dave chapelle.. hes so f*cking funny. yeh i almost got married to a chinese guy once. his parents and my parents couldnt understand each other.. but thats ok, cuz im not engaged anymore.
mm....my best friend is Korean... ~randomly me~
ahahahaha :w00t:
i just came across ur page today...so, sorry for the outdated comment. My cousin was in a similar situation. She's a Buddhist Vietnamese and married and Christian Korean (his name is Steve too..but Steve Shim) Anyhow...I think my cousin's situation was a bit easier because both of them are so white washed that they didn't let their culture get in the way. My cousin had a Christian wedding (walking down the aisle and stuff..) but it was held in a garden, instead of a church...at the ceremony and sreception, both sides of the family wore their respective traditional clothing. His mom and my aunt were BOTH sad about their grandkids not being 100% Korean or 100% Vietnamese. Nonetheless, his mom is very warm and loving towards my cousin..she bought them their first house, and she bought my cousin a Lexus SUV when she found out my cousin was expecting. They had a beautiful daughter last year...she picked the best features of both cultures...both grandmothers are now competing with one another to teach the child to speak their language.
In family, I'm the only girl who's dating a Vietnamese guy...my cousins (I'm an only child so I can only speak of cousins) are married to all sorts of ppl: white american, korean, taiwanese, filipino, white french with some Indian blood. So I'm the LAST HOPE for my family to have a Vietnamese son in law and PURE Viet children.
Your family should not give in to the your sister's fiance's family so easily. It should be give and take. For example, if both families agree to a church wedding, then at least ur side should insist on having a traditional "ruoc dau" ceremony at home and bring the bride to the church. Koreans aren't so bad...my best friend in high school was Korean. I do have to admit that the majority of them are haughty. My friend's friend went to Korea and she said that she doesn't see what's so extraordinary about their country that they have to be so stuck up.
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